Quips of 2008

Jason Sandefur

Software problems in the new US$8.6 billion British Airways’ London terminal forced the airline to send 19,000 suitcases by lorry to Milan for sorting and delivery to passengers. Trucking the luggage became quicker than flying because the trucked bags didn’t have to be re-screened.
Ray Zirkle and Doug Zirkle of the International Fastener Machinery & Suppliers Association found themselves at Wire & Tube 2008 in D�sseldorf, without changes of clothes or brochures from their luggage.
As the week progressed, Ray Zirkle quipped about his chances of receiving his bags from the pile in Milan: “My name is Zirkle. ‘I’m used to Z’s always being on the bottom of the pile.”

In an executive forum at the Western Association of Fastener Distributors conference, members bantered about their policies of accepting returns. Martin Calfee of Copper State Bolt & Nut demonstrated why he doesn’t take fasteners back. Calfee removed his eyeglasses and started handing them to Ray Doane of Ababa Bolt seated next to him: “I just paid $500 for these glasses. You want to buy them? How much would you pay?”
Calfee expounded on his “no returns” policy: “I can’t pay for my mistakes and yours.”

As steel prices skyrocketed driving up fastener prices, just about any metal became valuable. In giving his report to the National Fastener Distributors Association, Jeff Hepner eyed the easel and ballpoint pens. “With scrap going for $600 per pound, I think I’ll take these with me.”

“I’m making a short story long,” Ray Sullivan of Cinco Industries Inc. explained. “Salesmen do that.”

Just when gasoline hit $4 a gallon, Wally Olzak noted that tipping the bartender $1 at a Midwest Fastener Association meeting was “the same as giving him a quart of gasoline.”

“Four dollar gasoline is a liquid that’s both toxic and not easily digested,” said Marty Schneider of Continental-Aero.

There are alternatives to high fuel costs for summer recreation. Sailor Rob Harris, managing director of the Industrial Fasteners Institute, was out on the water as often as he could be this summer using free wind power. “I always sail! I use about 30 gallons of diesel for the entire summer! I love to watch those stink potters pull up to the fuel dock and spend $500 for the afternoon!”

Meeting just after the AIG and Lehman crashes and other lending institutions teetering, Michael O’Shanssey was discussing at the autumn NFDA meeting how distributors can use the association’s benchmarking as an aid in obtaining business loans. “We hope there will be enough banks left after this weekend.”

While predicting a recession through 2010, economist Brian Beaulieu advised National Fastener Distributors Association that 2008 was a good time to sell their businesses. “Sell your business. Sell it to your kids if they have been rotten kids.”

The president of the Mid-West Fastener Association slipped when introducing the evening’s speaker, U.S. Rep. Don Manzullo, by calling him “Dan.”
Manzullo was nonplused. He has heard it many times before & most notably when being introduced by President George W. Bush as “my good friend Dan Manzullo.”

Ababa Bolt in San Diego closes at 5:20 p.m. Why 5:20? “People remember because it is unusual,” Cathy Law explained. “And when they walk through the door at 5:19, they can be thrilled that they just made it. And our counter person can still be done and leave by 5:30!”

Accountant John Mather quipped that he was speaking to the NFDA from the floor of the ballroom rather than the temporary risers because as a larger-than-average person “the boards might break.” NFDA president Mark Shannon quickly added that “it would be the boards that fail, not the fasteners.” �2009 FastenerNews.com